We have heard again and again that what is important in life is time. Yet often we don’t appreciate this until our children have grown, we have lost a loved one, or we ourselves come face to face with the fragile and often unpredictable nature of life.
That consumerism and lifestyle inflation will indeed keep us limited by the needs and wants of others despite our very best intentions is a hard pill to swallow.
These are essential truths. The fact that the 4 Hour Workweek has continued to be a New York Times bestseller is not a coincidence. It is an indication that in essence each of us seeks a similar thing, and that is the acquisition of time.
Although we know this to be true, we are bombarded with messages trying to convince us otherwise.
Some of the world’s most creative people work in advertising. They spend their days crafting the illusion that our desires are needs and that our time is best spent in acquisition of these needs. But, the truth is that these very same people who are spinning to the masses are reading the 4 Hour Workweek, or perhaps writing their own versions of it.
They have tried to paint humans as Pavlov’s pups or creatures of predictable rationality. Yet we know from research that humans are not just simple sentient beings with predictable behaviors. Incentives of money or objects do not dictate good performance or good behavior. Value in life is recognized to be much more complex. And despite the opinions of many experts, we have proven these theories of predictable human behavior wrong. Meaning proves to be the greatest incentive, something innately we all understand.
I remember the very first time I laid eyes on my wife. She was beautiful, radiant. Her kind smile and open graceful heart, the smell of her vanilla perfume and the softness of her shoulders, the touch of her hand. They were and are the very essence of her being. They have since proven to be mine. The day she told me she loved me was a new experience in my life, to be truly loved by another human being, and to reciprocate this love; it is indescribable.
I remember the first touch of my daughter, that moment when the nurse midwife took my hand and asked me if I would like to deliver her. Being the first person to lay hands on her body and welcome her into the world, to hold her tiny hands in mine. Her first breath and her first sounds are imprinted in my mind. Again, to create love in this way, it is indescribable.
As I sit here and write blog posts and cheat sheets, wax poetic about the 4 Hour Body, or discuss Occam’s protocol it appears frivolous when such moments are taken into account. But it is a life’s work. If I see a new subscriber or receive an e-mail from a reader, it is an opportunity to connect in a new way. The very first comment, the chance (out of the blue) to travel to San Francisco and meet with groups like OneTaste, these moments of connecting, when like-minded people and ideas come together to create art: Meaning becomes priceless in a world of depreciating currency and increasing noise.
This is a clip from the movie Freebie: I am not even sure how I found this movie, but this scene at the opening connected with me as did the concept of the movie. The freebie is a no strings attached “cheat day” as you will, where this couple, married for 9 years convinces themselves that the only way they can find intimacy in their marriage is by “sparking” their desires in a one night fling with another partner. The scene I have included here is at the beginning of the movie.
Something happens over time. The value of a life’s work, the intrinsic nature of love somehow loses meaning. How sad, the fact that our love is no more stable than the flip of a coin.
Maybe time is the reason, maybe it’s the commonplace nature of life, maybe it’s the addition of kids, or the realization that humans are more complex than we had ever imagined. Or maybe (and much more likely) somewhere along the way we bought into a broken system together, as a couple. A system that once we become fully indoctrinated into can only be escaped alone.
I have discussed the Doing Method and the 15 minute orgasm several times in this blog. Why? Because, all too often, our relationships disintegrate like the couple depicted in this movie and in search of a viable solution to regain that initial passion, we leave behind the ones we love.
Our bag of tools is limited, we start lying to ourselves, and then to our partners.
The principles of time management, building muscle, loosing fat, finding the minimal effective dose, touching our partners, living our passions; they are part of a greater purpose. They are a formula for success in life, which really is a success in optimizing life’s most valuable component: Time.
What did this couple really need? Maybe Nicole Daedone would say an OM. Maybe Tim would say a mini vacation.
I would say: time.
“Busyness” is an American epidemic, let it go. Create space for idle time; reconnect with the ones you love, take time to remember those simple moments and those first kisses. Put down the protein shakes and your smart phones; take a deep breath of silence.
If you do watch the movie Freebie you will know right away that what this couple had convinced themselves they had lost was still palpably present. I figure we will all find ourselves in this place sometime in our lives, maybe with our job, our partners, our friendships or our children.
But, before you throw away a life’s work in search of greener pastures remember that what you seek and the time it may take to find this is right in front of your eyes. You just have to open them wide enough, and dream big enough.
Trust your instincts; the essence of life truly is time!
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Awesome and inspiring article! Loved it.
Thanks so much Jackie!
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