The 15 Minute “MALE” Orgasm – The 4 Hour Body Missing Chapter

by Stephen

“OM does not require him to perform in any way—the sensation can be one of great freedom and turn-on.”  -Nicole Daedone,  Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm

I have written several blog posts about the doing method and the 15 minute FEMALE orgasm as seen in the 4 Hour Body. Today we are going to cover the male counterpart.

The 15 Minute “Male” Orgasm

This entire blog-post, including the graphics, are adapted from Nicole Daedones’ wonderful book on the topic of female orgasm: Slow Sex (affiliate link).  Nicole refers to the entire process as an “OM” or “orgasmic meditation” and that is the term we will use here.

You can review the basic steps of the female “OM” in this short video.

Let’s Begin

A man lies down and a woman (or another man) strokes the shaft of his penis for 15 minutes. Besides the obvious difference, male stroking is a lot like the traditional 15 minute female orgasm.

The man may or may not climax, but climax is not the goal. The goal is simply to experience the stroke, whether you are giving it or receiving it.

In other words, just like regular (female) OM, the foundation of male stroking is letting go of any expectations. Strip it down. Experience the stroke each time as if it were the first time. Pay attention to your sensations, and share them with your partner. Finally, make contact with the desire that lies just beneath the surface, and allow it to be brought out, stroke by stroke.

Getting Ready:

First, ask your partner to OM with you, making sure it is clear that you are suggesting a male-stroking OM in particular. If you are the stroker, carefully set up the OMing nest. You will need the same supplies as usual: pillows, a hand towel, lube, and a timer.

The Anatomy of The Penis

You will need the same supplies that are used in female orgasm:

  1. Pillows
  2. Hand Towel
  3. Lube
  4. Timer

Once the space is created, the man being stroked removes his clothes from the waist down. This step can be confronting for a man, especially if he is not hard at the time.

Men have been taught that their penises should always be erect during a sexual encounter; if not, there may be something wrong. But just as a woman is not always turned on and “ready” when the OM begins, so a man will most likely be in his resting state when he first removes his pants.

Even once the OM begins, an erection is optional. While we have become accustomed to the notion that a hard penis is required for a successful sexual encounter, such is not the case with OM. It is possible to stroke a man’s cock even when it is soft—it simply asks more of your attention and gentleness since he may be more sensitive than you’ve seen him before. But the process itself is the same, whether he is hard or not.

Once this truth sinks in—OM does not require him to perform in any way—the sensation can be one of great freedom and turn-on.

There are two positions that work well for male stroking.

Preparing For a 15 Minute Male Orgasm

The first posture is similar to the traditional OM posture, with the stroker sitting to the right of the receiver

15 Minute Male Orgasm Stroking PositionsThe second posture finds the woman seated between the stroker’s legs, with one of her legs over each of his thighs. This position gives a slight advantage in that it allows her to reach the cock from the front, giving her the most complete access available to his full genital region (see the figure on the next page).

Whichever position you choose, begin by placing the towel in the center of the pillows and having him lie down so it is underneath his buttocks.

Help him butterfly his legs open, supporting each of his knees with a pillow or your leg. Make sure he knows that you will be taking care of everything from here on out; he doesn’t need to worry about anything except relaxing.

Once he is settled, take your seat beside him or between his legs. You may find it more comfortable to sit on one or more pillows; feel free to adjust as suits you best. Set the timer for fifteen minutes.

Begin the OM with noticing. Place all your attention on his cock. Paint him a verbal portrait, focusing on color, texture, and relative location. Be objective; state just the facts.

Tell him what it reminds you of, how the color moves from light to dark to light again—whatever you see. Once you have said everything that comes to mind, begin to stroke.

How to Stroke a Man

  1. Place lube on your hands, gently rubbing them together to warm the lube. Let your partner know you are about to make contact.
  2. Place your right hand underneath his scrotum so that his balls are lying gently in your hand. This will help him feel grounded throughout the OM.
  3. The Hand Position For Stroking the PenisWrap your left hand around his cock so that your palm makes contact with the back side of the shaft and your thumb and fingers meet in front. (If you are stroking a man who is uncircumcised, gently pull his foreskin down with your right hand, holding it there while you wrap your left hand around him.) Once your hand is in position, stroke once upward from the base of his cock to the tip, spreading lube over his shaft as you go (see figure below). The hand position for male stroking
  4. The Most Sensitive Stroking Area of The PenisAt the top of his shaft, begin to stroke slowly and lightly, focusing on an inch-long area just below the head of the penis (see figure).
  5. Use much lighter pressure than you would normally use for a hand job, especially if his penis is not erect. Try different strokes. Firmer strokes will feel more earthy, more meaty. Lighter strokes will feel more spacious. You may rotate your hand as you stroke up and down for additional sensation if that feels good to you. Notice the melody that your stroke creates between base and high notes. See if you can sense an underlying rhythm that your body wants, and continue to stroke that rhythm. Throughout the OM, remember to tell him everything you are doing before you do it. This allows him to relax more deeply. Tell him that you are going to take a firmer grasp, or that you are going to shift the stroke. If you are the man being stroked, don’t forget to ask for what you want. More or less pressure, a faster or slower stroke—whatever would feel good.
  6. Both partners pay attention to the point of contact between her hand and his penis. When your minds wander, return to the sensation of her hand and his penis.
  7. The man may or may not climax before the fifteen minutes is up. If he does, ask him if he would like to continue with the rest of the OM, or if he would rather go straight to the grounding step.

After The OM

Once the OM is complete, ground him by applying pressure to the shaft of his cock. You may press it against his belly or simply wrap both hands around it. You may also apply pressure to the undercock, where his shaft continues underneath the skin, below his balls.

Be firm but gentle, and continue applying pressure until you feel a sort of exhale in your body and his. Then, gently pull the towel out from underneath him and use it to carefully wipe all the lube off his body. Men are especially unaccustomed to being wet down there, so make sure you are careful and thorough.

The final step is for each of you to share a frame with your partner: one sensational moment you remember from the OM. The communication of a sensation tends to magnify it and seal it into memory. Don’t forget this step!


OM for Him Checklist

Ask for the OM—Feel what it feels like in your body while you do.

Set up the Space—Create the OMing “nest” for yourself and your partner. You’ll want the space too be welcoming and comfortable, not too warm and not too cool, well-lit but not too bright. Make sure any distractions (like cell phones) are turned off and preferably left in another room. Gather together what you’ll need:

  • 3 or 4 pillows
  • A yoga mat or heavy blanket, if practicing on the floor
  • Lube
  • Hand towel
  • Timer set for fifteen minutes

Positioning—The man lies down in the middle of the pillows and butterflies his legs open. The stroker may sit in one of two positions: either to his right, in the standard OM position, or between his legs, with one of her legs over each of his hips. Either way, both his legs should be supported so he can relax, and she should sit on as many pillows as she needs to in order to be comfortable.

Noticing—The stroker places her attention on the receiver’s genitals, taking them in visually. She will briefly describe what she sees to her partner, focusing on color, shape, and relative location.

Safeporting—The stroker tells her partner she is going to initiate contact. A simple, “I’m going to touch you now,” is perfect.

Lube Stroke—The stroker gives one long “lube stroke,” from the bottom of his cock to the top.

Stroking—She begins a short, feather-light stroke at the top of his shaft, making the stroke longer or shorter, heavier or lighter, depending on his feedback and how she feels in her own body.

Communication—Don’t forget to share sensations, request a shift in stroke, or ask your partner for feedback. Strokers should continue safeporting their partner, letting him know what she is going to do before she shifts the stroke.

Two-Minute Warning—Stroker, let your partner know when there are two minutes left, simply by saying “two minutes.”

Grounding—Once the stroker calls “time,” she applies pressure to his genitals to ground him. She then uses the hand towel to remove any excess lube.

Sharing Frames—The partners each share a particularly memorable moment of sensation from the OM.


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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

nsbrr December 29, 2014 at 9:49 pm

whst sd the main purpose of doing stroke????


Stephen January 6, 2015 at 9:27 pm

It’s more as a way to connect with your partner than as a way to achieve orgasm, although obviously it can be used for both :-)

– Stephen


cdcraig June 30, 2015 at 11:33 am

Fantastic article and write up, it would be great if there was a website dedicated to this where men could sign up and have a safe environment to practice OM.


Stephen July 1, 2015 at 5:58 pm

Hi there, depending on where you live such places do exist. I know in my hometown of Santa Cruz, just this past year, a subsidiary of Nicole Daedone and One Taste has opened up – which does just this – provides a safe environment for both women and men to practice OM. In San Francisco, where Tim discovered this practice, the community is growing by leaps and bounds, as well as in NY. Elsewhere it may be a lot more difficult, unfortunately, many of the programs are quite expensive. You can read more about the program in Santa Cruz here:

– Stephen


Philip S. Knight September 11, 2015 at 1:17 pm

THANK YOU, Stephen. Below is a copy of what I wrote at Facebook at couple of places including my own timeline in appreciation of you providing this “missing” reciprocity in the OM movement.

♥ FINALLY… The MALE Side of OM ♥ (Orgasmic Meditation founded by Nicole Daedone, author of “Slow Sex”) that is gaining traction in mainstream consciousness. Which is an application of Buddhist mindfulness in the area of sensual pleasure — but without the Buddhist-ism or other spiritual-speak that can turn people off and/or get dogmatic.

I’ve had a pet peeve about OM in terms of their most common events: women-centric pleasuring is primary if not exclusive. I fully understand the historical, anthropological, cultural, religious and other reasons for honoring the Feminine/Goddess,etc. due to eons of misogyny. I’ve experience up close and personally the devastating effects of abuse to rape of lovers and friends who went through such experiences before we met.
I also understand that men are not raised or trained in general to be mindful (feather-light touch of women and their yonis and bodies). But as a man, I feel that unless BOTH sides apply this mindful tenderness and focus to one another (whatever one’s orientation), it’s too one-sided, leaving men out of the equation, treating them as second-class human-spiritual citizens.

This article was a nice discovery IMO.
Moving towards balance and loving fairness.

~ Philip Steven Knight – Compassion Sensuality Net


Stephen September 18, 2015 at 10:43 am

Wow philip, such a thoughtful comment!

I agree, with you 100% as does my wife. That being said, a couple years back I presented her with “the missing chapter” and she didn’t seem to really jump on it. I think that is due to my own poor marketing and sales. When we attended the two day couples OM’ing retreat with Nicole and crew a few years ago the male counterpart was left 100% out of the conversation. In two days not once did they discuss the male orgasm and how it relates to “OM”. Nicole believed that if the woman was sexually satisfied that the male counterpart would have his “cum-uppings” (for lack of a better word). At the time I agreed (in sorts) and felt that maybe the bane of man’s sexual existence is his lack of attention to detail – as you discussed in your comment. I am not so sure though. We still practice a variation of OM ourselves on a regular bases… We don’t do it as a meditative or spiritual practice, so maybe it isn’t really OM in this sense but more of a technique. I think there is a lot of utility in learning about our partner’s (and your own) genitalia, and like anything else, with understanding comes power, and in this case a power to bring sexual gratification to your partner (or oneself), which translates into a better partnership for the long run.

I have a lot of unorganized thoughts on this topic and I am sure I could have worded that better. I will check out your website.


– Stephen


Philip S. Knight September 18, 2015 at 2:23 pm

Thanks for taking time to reply. A bit different subject but parallel: read an account of a husband who is really wanting to experience Tantric/sacred sex with his wife, but she is resistant and not wanting to. Usually it’s the other way around. I’d really not like to be in that situation. What occurred to me is that perhaps he consider this:

A) Is his wife only resistant in the area of sensuality and intimacy, or B) Is she just not into spirituality in general as he is? If B) then obviously the “cause” of A). It is said that if a couple does not have a mutually resonant foundation of the core existential/philosophical/spiritual, everything else will eventually break down or dissolve, shifts-apart will occur.

This doesn’t mean that one has to be on the exact same path or denomination or tradition. But there has to be some real “there, there”.

So in terms of mutual pleasuring, there has to be some mutual “there, there” too — but that can take time and patience. Everyone’s life story, wounds, insecurities, etc. differ and so flexibility is necessary. But sometimes hard unmovable walls are hit, and that’s where it can get tough.

But that’s where genuine love come in.
As of the type as described in such quotations:

“Love is profound interest.” ~ Gitanada

“Love is the first ingredient in the relief of suffering”. ~ Padre Pio

“There is no right way or wrong way. There is a way that conveys a message of love, and there appears to be a multitude of others.” ~ Dialogue on Awakening

“The softest thing in the universe overcomes the hardest thing in the universe.” ~ Tao Te Ching

OK, ‘nuf pontificatious scribbling. No reply necessary.
All the best.

~ Philip Steven Knight – Compassion Sensuality Net


Rebecca September 12, 2015 at 6:42 pm

Why does the diagram show a mutilated or is instead of a natural one? The “stroking area” is where the foreskin is meant to be and creates a lot of pleasure for the male and female.


Stephen September 18, 2015 at 10:29 am

Hi Rebecca,

Some of us had Catholic parents that thought less probably that they were doing right by God and more likely felt it was for hygiene. Circumcision is still quite popular in many cultures and it will do good to get some information out there discussing the long term consequences. I don’t know the difference because I can’t grow my foreskin back, but you have surely made me envious! :-)

– Stephen


Seth September 20, 2015 at 4:19 pm

Look into foreskin restoration. You’ll never get back everything, but damn! It gets back a lot. Just having the gliding action of the foreskin makes it worth the effort.


Hugh7 September 20, 2015 at 4:43 pm

Ah yes, “hygiene”. This happened by a clever sleight-of-hand. In the 19th century, they began cutting boys for “moral hygiene” – deterring and punishing masturbation. This morphed into ordinary “hygiene” once cutting was established but masturbation hysteria was fading, and then fearsome disease after fearsome disease was wheeled up as an excuse to do it.


Maria September 12, 2015 at 10:27 pm

How can this be – No mention of the foreskin & frenulum? They are the 2 most sensitive areas of the penis. I notice they are also bizarrely absent from the diagrams.
Foreskin makes the stroking motion so much more fluid, gentle, fun and can go on for hours without requiring artificial lubricant. The frenulum is the male equivalent of the clitoris.


Stephen September 18, 2015 at 10:26 am

Hi Maria,

As a circumcised male you just made me feel a lot of contempt for my parents :-). Thanks so much for your insights and the links.

– Stephen


Maria September 20, 2015 at 2:53 am

Thank you for being open to new information :)
You (and other ‘cut’ men) might want to look into foreskin restoration. It is a lengthy (non-surgical) process, but men who have done it say it is the best thing they’ve ever done for themselves (and partners!), so much sensitivity and comfort is gained. Also, if you don’t do anything to protect the head of your penis, the keritinization process will only continue and you will progressively lose more & more sensitivity with time.


Stephen September 20, 2015 at 1:54 pm

Hi Maria,

Since I have two kids and spend most of my time at after school events, birthday parties and playdates I may have to put aside my foreskin restoration until after I figure out what to do about college tuition and soccer uniforms :-) Not to belittle the needs of my penis (because trust me it has needs) I guess it is just a matter of priorities for the time being…. I really appreciate all your information, I think it is fascinating that they can actually do a foreskin restoration, it is also interesting to know about the keratinization process. Just another thing to look forward to as a part of aging :-)

Thanks again for all the info, and have a great day.



Cynthia September 20, 2015 at 3:02 pm

Foreskin restoration takes very little money, and devises can be worn while you go about your day. Reaching full coverage will tale 2 to 5 years. Every little bit will add sensation and be well worth it.


Maria September 20, 2015 at 7:06 pm

The great thing is, manual restoration is free :)
The man/boy stretches the skin manually, for about 5 minutes once or twice daily. You will never be able to recover the frenulum, its functions, and all the nerve endings, but you will gain MUCH sensitivity and the gliding motion.
All kinds of info here:
I don’t mean to overload you with information; no need to reply, and thanks again for being open-minded :)


Maria September 20, 2015 at 2:58 am

I shared this article with some friends, one guy made the following comment:
“the most sensitive stroking area: whatever foreskin remnants the butchers left you with”


Hugh7 September 20, 2015 at 4:35 pm

” (If you are stroking a man who is uncircumcised, gently pull his foreskin down with your right hand, holding it there while you wrap your left hand around him.) ”
Ah yes, try to pretend he’s cut. NO. Take time to find out where HIS most sensitive areas are. They’re probably along the ridged band, which runs around the inside of the foreskin near the tip, starting and ending at the frenulum (which a cut man is lucky if he still has). The most simple and natural stimulation for this is to role the foreskin back and forth over the glans, but that depends what you are trying to achieve.
(And he’s not “un-” anything, he’s just a man who’s lucky enough to still have all his penis.)


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