I have written several blog posts about the doing method and the 15 minute FEMALE orgasm as seen in the 4 Hour Body. Today we are going to cover the male counterpart.
The 15 Minute “Male” Orgasm
This entire blog-post, including the graphics, are adapted from Nicole Daedones’ wonderful book on the topic of female orgasm: Slow Sex (affiliate link). Nicole refers to the entire process as an “OM” or “orgasmic meditation” and that is the term we will use here.
You can review the basic steps of the female “OM” in this short video.
A man lies down and a woman (or another man) strokes the shaft of his penis for 15 minutes. Besides the obvious difference, male stroking is a lot like the traditional 15 minute female orgasm.
The man may or may not climax, but climax is not the goal. The goal is simply to experience the stroke, whether you are giving it or receiving it.
In other words, just like regular (female) OM, the foundation of male stroking is letting go of any expectations. Strip it down. Experience the stroke each time as if it were the first time. Pay attention to your sensations, and share them with your partner. Finally, make contact with the desire that lies just beneath the surface, and allow it to be brought out, stroke by stroke.
First, ask your partner to OM with you, making sure it is clear that you are suggesting a male-stroking OM in particular. If you are the stroker, carefully set up the OMing nest. You will need the same supplies as usual: pillows, a hand towel, lube, and a timer.
You will need the same supplies that are used in female orgasm:
- Hand Towel
Once the space is created, the man being stroked removes his clothes from the waist down. This step can be confronting for a man, especially if he is not hard at the time.
Men have been taught that their penises should always be erect during a sexual encounter; if not, there may be something wrong. But just as a woman is not always turned on and “ready” when the OM begins, so a man will most likely be in his resting state when he first removes his pants.
Even once the OM begins, an erection is optional. While we have become accustomed to the notion that a hard penis is required for a successful sexual encounter, such is not the case with OM. It is possible to stroke a man’s cock even when it is soft—it simply asks more of your attention and gentleness since he may be more sensitive than you’ve seen him before. But the process itself is the same, whether he is hard or not.
Once this truth sinks in—OM does not require him to perform in any way—the sensation can be one of great freedom and turn-on.
There are two positions that work well for male stroking.
The first posture is similar to the traditional OM posture, with the stroker sitting to the right of the receiver
The second posture finds the woman seated between the stroker’s legs, with one of her legs over each of his thighs. This position gives a slight advantage in that it allows her to reach the cock from the front, giving her the most complete access available to his full genital region (see the figure on the next page).
Whichever position you choose, begin by placing the towel in the center of the pillows and having him lie down so it is underneath his buttocks.
Help him butterfly his legs open, supporting each of his knees with a pillow or your leg. Make sure he knows that you will be taking care of everything from here on out; he doesn’t need to worry about anything except relaxing.
Once he is settled, take your seat beside him or between his legs. You may find it more comfortable to sit on one or more pillows; feel free to adjust as suits you best. Set the timer for fifteen minutes.
Begin the OM with noticing. Place all your attention on his cock. Paint him a verbal portrait, focusing on color, texture, and relative location. Be objective; state just the facts.
Tell him what it reminds you of, how the color moves from light to dark to light again—whatever you see. Once you have said everything that comes to mind, begin to stroke.
How to Stroke a Man
- Place lube on your hands, gently rubbing them together to warm the lube. Let your partner know you are about to make contact.
- Place your right hand underneath his scrotum so that his balls are lying gently in your hand. This will help him feel grounded throughout the OM.
- Wrap your left hand around his cock so that your palm makes contact with the back side of the shaft and your thumb and fingers meet in front. (If you are stroking a man who is uncircumcised, gently pull his foreskin down with your right hand, holding it there while you wrap your left hand around him.) Once your hand is in position, stroke once upward from the base of his cock to the tip, spreading lube over his shaft as you go (see figure below). The hand position for male stroking
- At the top of his shaft, begin to stroke slowly and lightly, focusing on an inch-long area just below the head of the penis (see figure).
- Use much lighter pressure than you would normally use for a hand job, especially if his penis is not erect. Try different strokes. Firmer strokes will feel more earthy, more meaty. Lighter strokes will feel more spacious. You may rotate your hand as you stroke up and down for additional sensation if that feels good to you. Notice the melody that your stroke creates between base and high notes. See if you can sense an underlying rhythm that your body wants, and continue to stroke that rhythm. Throughout the OM, remember to tell him everything you are doing before you do it. This allows him to relax more deeply. Tell him that you are going to take a firmer grasp, or that you are going to shift the stroke. If you are the man being stroked, don’t forget to ask for what you want. More or less pressure, a faster or slower stroke—whatever would feel good.
- Both partners pay attention to the point of contact between her hand and his penis. When your minds wander, return to the sensation of her hand and his penis.
- The man may or may not climax before the fifteen minutes is up. If he does, ask him if he would like to continue with the rest of the OM, or if he would rather go straight to the grounding step.
After The OM
Once the OM is complete, ground him by applying pressure to the shaft of his cock. You may press it against his belly or simply wrap both hands around it. You may also apply pressure to the undercock, where his shaft continues underneath the skin, below his balls.
Be firm but gentle, and continue applying pressure until you feel a sort of exhale in your body and his. Then, gently pull the towel out from underneath him and use it to carefully wipe all the lube off his body. Men are especially unaccustomed to being wet down there, so make sure you are careful and thorough.
The final step is for each of you to share a frame with your partner: one sensational moment you remember from the OM. The communication of a sensation tends to magnify it and seal it into memory. Don’t forget this step!
OM for Him Checklist
Ask for the OM—Feel what it feels like in your body while you do.
Set up the Space—Create the OMing “nest” for yourself and your partner. You’ll want the space too be welcoming and comfortable, not too warm and not too cool, well-lit but not too bright. Make sure any distractions (like cell phones) are turned off and preferably left in another room. Gather together what you’ll need:
- 3 or 4 pillows
- A yoga mat or heavy blanket, if practicing on the floor
- Hand towel
- Timer set for fifteen minutes
Positioning—The man lies down in the middle of the pillows and butterflies his legs open. The stroker may sit in one of two positions: either to his right, in the standard OM position, or between his legs, with one of her legs over each of his hips. Either way, both his legs should be supported so he can relax, and she should sit on as many pillows as she needs to in order to be comfortable.
Noticing—The stroker places her attention on the receiver’s genitals, taking them in visually. She will briefly describe what she sees to her partner, focusing on color, shape, and relative location.
Safeporting—The stroker tells her partner she is going to initiate contact. A simple, “I’m going to touch you now,” is perfect.
Lube Stroke—The stroker gives one long “lube stroke,” from the bottom of his cock to the top.
Stroking—She begins a short, feather-light stroke at the top of his shaft, making the stroke longer or shorter, heavier or lighter, depending on his feedback and how she feels in her own body.
Communication—Don’t forget to share sensations, request a shift in stroke, or ask your partner for feedback. Strokers should continue safeporting their partner, letting him know what she is going to do before she shifts the stroke.
Two-Minute Warning—Stroker, let your partner know when there are two minutes left, simply by saying “two minutes.”
Grounding—Once the stroker calls “time,” she applies pressure to his genitals to ground him. She then uses the hand towel to remove any excess lube.
Sharing Frames—The partners each share a particularly memorable moment of sensation from the OM.
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View all posts in this series
- The Doing Method and why it pays to sleep with Tim Ferriss - February 6, 2011
- The truth behind the 15 minute female orgasm part un: Why Nicole Daedone and the people of OneTaste may hold the key to unlocking the man box! - March 25, 2011
- The Doing Method: And Why You Should “Just do It” - April 2, 2011
- The Truth Behind the 15 Minute Female Orgasm Part Deux: The lost Meaning of Touch - April 17, 2011
- The 15 Minute Female Orgasm: “Required Education for Every Man on the Planet” - June 28, 2011
- A “Stroke” of Genius: Slow Sex The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm | A Review - July 24, 2011
- From Slow Carb to Slow Sex: 5 Things I have learned after 1 Year with The 4-Hour Body - December 12, 2011
- My Letter of Apology to Women - January 20, 2012
- The Caveman and The Orgasm: Why Don’t More Men Give 15 Minute Orgasms? - February 14, 2013
- The 15 Minute “MALE” Orgasm – The 4 Hour Body Missing Chapter - April 22, 2013