I have written several blog posts about the doing method and the 15 minute FEMALE orgasm as seen in the 4 Hour Body. Today we are going to cover the male counterpart.

The 15 Minute “Male” Orgasm

This entire blog-post, including the graphics, are adapted from Nicole Daedones’ wonderful book on the topic of female orgasm: Slow Sex (affiliate link).  Nicole refers to the entire process as an “OM” or “orgasmic meditation” and that is the term we will use here.

You can review the basic steps of the female “OM” in this short video.

Let’s Begin: 

A man lies down and a woman (or another man) strokes the shaft of his penis for 15 minutes. Besides the obvious difference, male stroking is a lot like the traditional 15 minute female orgasm.

The man may or may not climax, but climax is not the goal. The goal is simply to experience the stroke, whether you are giving it or receiving it.

In other words, just like regular (female) OM, the foundation of male stroking is letting go of any expectations. Strip it down. Experience the stroke each time as if it were the first time. Pay attention to your sensations, and share them with your partner. Finally, make contact with the desire that lies just beneath the surface, and allow it to be brought out, stroke by stroke.

Getting Ready:

First, ask your partner to OM with you, making sure it is clear that you are suggesting a male-stroking OM in particular. If you are the stroker, carefully set up the OMing nest. You will need the same supplies as usual: pillows, a hand towel, lube, and a timer.

You will need the same supplies that are used in female orgasm:

1. Pillows
2. Hand Towel
3. Lube
4. Timer

Once the space is created, the man being stroked removes his clothes from the waist down. This step can be confronting for a man, especially if he is not hard at the time.

Men have been taught that their penises should always be erect during a sexual encounter; if not, there may be something wrong. But just as a woman is not always turned on and “ready” when the OM begins, so a man will most likely be in his resting state when he first removes his pants.

Even once the OM begins, an erection is optional. While we have become accustomed to the notion that a hard penis is required for a successful sexual encounter, such is not the case with OM. It is possible to stroke a man’s cock even when it is soft—it simply asks more of your attention and gentleness since he may be more sensitive than you’ve seen him before. But the process itself is the same, whether he is hard or not.

Once this truth sinks in—OM does not require him to perform in any way—the sensation can be one of great freedom and turn-on.

There are two positions that work well for male stroking.

The first posture is similar to the traditional OM posture, with the stroker sitting to the right of the receiver

The second posture finds the woman seated between the stroker’s legs, with one of her legs over each of his thighs. This position gives a slight advantage in that it allows her to reach the cock from the front, giving her the most complete access available to his full genital region (see the figure on the next page).

Whichever position you choose, begin by placing the towel in the center of the pillows and having him lie down so it is underneath his buttocks.

Help him butterfly his legs open, supporting each of his knees with a pillow or your leg. Make sure he knows that you will be taking care of everything from here on out; he doesn’t need to worry about anything except relaxing.

Once he is settled, take your seat beside him or between his legs. You may find it more comfortable to sit on one or more pillows; feel free to adjust as suits you best. Set the timer for fifteen minutes.

Begin the OM with noticing. Place all your attention on his cock. Paint him a verbal portrait, focusing on color, texture, and relative location. Be objective; state just the facts.

Tell him what it reminds you of, how the color moves from light to dark to light again—whatever you see. Once you have said everything that comes to mind, begin to stroke.

How to Stroke a Man

1. Place lube on your hands, gently rubbing them together to warm the lube. Let your partner know you are about to make contact.
2. Place your right hand underneath his scrotum so that his balls are lying gently in your hand. This will help him feel grounded throughout the OM.
3. Wrap your left hand around his cock so that your palm makes contact with the back side of the shaft and your thumb and fingers meet in front. (If you are stroking a man who is uncircumcised, gently pull his foreskin down with your right hand, holding it there while you wrap your left hand around him.) Once your hand is in position, stroke once upward from the base of his cock to the tip, spreading lube over his shaft as you go (see figure below). The hand position for male stroking
4. At the top of his shaft, begin to stroke slowly and lightly, focusing on an inch-long area just below the head of the penis (see figure).
5. Use much lighter pressure than you would normally use for a hand job, especially if his penis is not erect. Try different strokes. Firmer strokes will feel more earthy, more meaty. Lighter strokes will feel more spacious. You may rotate your hand as you stroke up and down for additional sensation if that feels good to you. Notice the melody that your stroke creates between base and high notes. See if you can sense an underlying rhythm that your body wants, and continue to stroke that rhythm. Throughout the OM, remember to tell him everything you are doing before you do it. This allows him to relax more deeply. Tell him that you are going to take a firmer grasp, or that you are going to shift the stroke. If you are the man being stroked, don’t forget to ask for what you want. More or less pressure, a faster or slower stroke—whatever would feel good.
6. Both partners pay attention to the point of contact between her hand and his penis. When your minds wander, return to the sensation of her hand and his penis.
7. The man may or may not climax before the fifteen minutes is up. If he does, ask him if he would like to continue with the rest of the OM, or if he would rather go straight to the grounding step.

After The OM

Once the OM is complete, ground him by applying pressure to the shaft of his cock. You may press it against his belly or simply wrap both hands around it. You may also apply pressure to the undercock, where his shaft continues underneath the skin, below his balls.

Be firm but gentle, and continue applying pressure until you feel a sort of exhale in your body and his. Then, gently pull the towel out from underneath him and use it to carefully wipe all the lube off his body. Men are especially unaccustomed to being wet down there, so make sure you are careful and thorough.

The final step is for each of you to share a frame with your partner: one sensational moment you remember from the OM. The communication of a sensation tends to magnify it and seal it into memory. Don’t forget this step!

OM for Him Checklist

Ask for the OM—Feel what it feels like in your body while you do.

Set up the Space—Create the OMing “nest” for yourself and your partner. You’ll want the space too be welcoming and comfortable, not too warm and not too cool, well-lit but not too bright. Make sure any distractions (like cell phones) are turned off and preferably left in another room. Gather together what you’ll need:

• 3 or 4 pillows
• A yoga mat or heavy blanket, if practicing on the floor
• Lube
• Hand towel
• Timer set for fifteen minutes

Positioning—The man lies down in the middle of the pillows and butterflies his legs open. The stroker may sit in one of two positions: either to his right, in the standard OM position, or between his legs, with one of her legs over each of his hips. Either way, both his legs should be supported so he can relax, and she should sit on as many pillows as she needs to in order to be comfortable.

Noticing—The stroker places her attention on the receiver’s genitals, taking them in visually. She will briefly describe what she sees to her partner, focusing on color, shape, and relative location.

Safeporting—The stroker tells her partner she is going to initiate contact. A simple, “I’m going to touch you now,” is perfect.

Lube Stroke—The stroker gives one long “lube stroke,” from the bottom of his cock to the top.

Stroking—She begins a short, feather-light stroke at the top of his shaft, making the stroke longer or shorter, heavier or lighter, depending on his feedback and how she feels in her own body.

Communication—Don’t forget to share sensations, request a shift in stroke, or ask your partner for feedback. Strokers should continue safeporting their partner, letting him know what she is going to do before she shifts the stroke.

Two-Minute Warning—Stroker, let your partner know when there are two minutes left, simply by saying “two minutes.”

Grounding—Once the stroker calls “time,” she applies pressure to his genitals to ground him. She then uses the hand towel to remove any excess lube.

Sharing Frames—The partners each share a particularly memorable moment of sensation from the OM.

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[pullquote align=”right”]”I doubt most paleolithic men spent time stroking their partners clitoris. The one that did would definitely have found his place with a harem of faithful followers.”[/pullquote]

If you are a man you may find this situation as compelling as I do:

Honey can I give you a 15 minute orgasm? And she responds: No, thank you.

How could the answer ever be no?  As a man, for the longest time, this made no sense to me whatsoever.

If my wife asked me (or prior to be being married if any woman asked me) if I would like a 15 minute orgasm, I would drop any single activity I was doing.

Hell, I could be nearing the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and if my wife stopped dead in her tracks,  looked me in the eyes and said “honey, would you like a 15 minute orgasm?” I would make sure this happened, even in 20 below conditions, even if it meant I missed the summit, I would find a way!

How many of you have asked your partner for a 15 minute orgasm?

By a show of hands I am going to guess quite few.  And this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either.

When I first read the 4 Hour Body my initial thoughts were… “Holy shit can losing body fat, and weight training actually be this easy?” And then “Honey… do you want a 15 minute orgasm?”

Take a look in the sidebar under 4 Hour Body Cheat sheets The 4 Hour Body-15 Minute Orgasm Part Un has been downloaded about 27,000 times and counting. More than any other cheat sheet!

So this means one of two things:

1. You are successfully using the 15 minute orgasm technique in your relationship or marriage.
2. You are too afraid to ask your partner if she would be willing to practice with you for fear of embarrassment.

Fifteen Minute Orgasms: Honey I’m “OM”

If you have followed this blog for any amount of time you may already know that I was invited to attend a couples weekend workshop with Nicole Daedone in San Francisco to learn the art of the 15 minute female orgasm.

Nicole trained Tim and now she would train me. She is tall, beautiful and a bit intimidating at first (at least from my 5’7″ totally naive perspective).

At OneTaste they refer to the 15 minute orgasm as an “OM” or “Orgasmic Meditation”. I guess it sounds less intimidating this way. I think it sounds kind of space age, but I still like the word “OM”.

Honey would you like and “OM” is much easier to say, although not nearly as impressive as “would you like a 15 minute orgasm?” I have tested both terms with my wife and both have me batting at around 20%… Darn the 80/20 rule!

Anyway, the technique becomes a lot less intimidating and much more liberating when you are discussing it with a group of 10 or so other couples who have the same look of fear and trepidation. Try going from a conference room, then to a private suite for a 15 minute orgasm session with your partner, then back to the same conference room with a straight face.

But, that is what we did and what was insightful was what I learned about sex and women, not just during the practice of the OM but, afterwards in the group session.

What Women Really Want

My wife just got home right now she dropped the kids off at school. she went for a run and walked in the door… So I just asked her the obvious question: “Do you want a 15 minute orgasm?”

This was her answer: I just went for a run, I have to shower, I want to sit and read the paper and enjoy my cup of coffee.  She is sitting here with me now she looks quite content.

In her defense I totally see her point.

How Do I Convert 4 Hours Into 15 Minutes?

OK men get ready for the answer to the question:

I am sure if I had said this:  Honey would you like me to get you the paper and a cup of coffee so you can relax?

Would you like me to pick up the kids this afternoon?

Let me read the kids a book and put them to bed tonight! Why don’t you take a nice hot shower and I will meet you afterwards so that I can give you a fifteen minute orgasm.

BINGO! 15 Minute Orgasm Success!

And trust me, this simple act of giving your partner the attention he/she deserves far before the mention of any type of orgasm (15 minutes or not) will bring the kind of long lasting love, appreciation and passion to the relationship we all seek.

The Caveman and The Orgasm: Ancestral Sex – Why More Men Don’t Give 15 Minute Orgasms.

Is there a paleo version of the 15 minute female orgasm?

I doubt most paleolithic men spent time stroking their partners clitoris. The one that did would definitely have found his place with a harem of faithful followers.

And maybe this is what throws us men off, the meat eating primal man, the low-carb, hairy, bearded man of the past, the one that lifted heavy things, slept a lot, ran fast once in a while. Did he have time for sex?

The 4 Hour Man is a Superhuman Man!

This is where Tim proves his worth as a writer and a self help guru.

Although Tim has left the 15 minute orgasm in the dust, for reasons I cannot fully understand, you should not.

The 4 Hour Man is a Renascence man!

He can lift heavy things in 20 minutes 2x per week, he can effortlessly lose body fat and reveal those six pack abs, he can cook amazing meals in under 4 minutes, he can handle work and manage his passive income stream all while having time for the people he loves and the activities he loves!

And, best of all, unlike the paloelithic man he knows how to really please a woman!

Today is valentines day, isn’t it about time you got over your fears of giving a 15 minute orgasm?

But remember this:

You Must Give if you Want to Receive

We men battle our lizard brain, not just in the boardroom but in the bedroom.

We men tend to think that it is all about the sex, but it not. I am probably (as much as I hate to admit it) just to lazy and unmotivated, possibly, OK actually definitely, when it comes to sex.

And the truth is, 15 minute orgasms requires a lot more than 15 minutes, they require conscious attention to the needs of our partner, both in and outside of the bedroom. Often times, if not always, far in advance of any romance.

This is true in business, life, relationships and sex. The more you give the more you shall receive. It is not a platitude, it is the God given truth.

Our ancestral brothers and sisters did not have the advantage of a guide to 15 minute orgasms. But, I am sure they would have tweeted a lot about it if they did.

We live in a society that is so afraid to touch the topic of sex that we neglect to touch our partners. You are missing out!

Make it a goal to overcome your lizard brain, open up your copy of the 4 Hour Body, set your smartphone to 15 minutes  and get to work, this is so much better than a box of chocolates.

Here are some of the highlights:

I apologize for the times when I used my sex as a bargaining chip – to get you to love me, to want me, to claim me.  And then, when I had you and no longer needed to bargain, stopped having sex.  I apologize for seeing you as a security conquest, giving you the best sex of your life right before you gave me the commitment.

My kindness is the most cruel thing I can do to you, because without challenge you become a mediocre man.

I will tell you that at the root of quiet kindness is a rage of everything I believe I cannot tell you.

I apologize for believing that my only power with you was withholding and withdrawal.  For believing you too weak and fragile to withstand my power and wrath.

Yes, I apologize for not admitting that I am the one who holds the power and you the authority to carry out the laws.  I apologize that I did not learn to hold or wield this power in such a way that the benefit of serving it was obvious.  I apologize that I did not recognize that this power was rooted in my sexuality – that I left you there holding the sex piece on behalf of both of us, and then was victimized when you reached for me.

I even tried to be sad and sick so that you could feel strong and protective, so that you could feel like society’s definition of a man.

I am sorry for all the times I let you off the hook – you know, like when you got scared and didn’t call.  Or when you didn’t know what to do with me and shuffled into the other room onto the sanctuary of the computer,

So Nicole I feel I owe this to you as well, from the vantage point of a “mediocre man”.

My Letter of Apology to Women

In the 21’st century it is still seen that women are not universally given their due. In my sphere, when I think of women, words of deserved praise come to mind: compassionate, empathetic, hard-working, responsible, dedicated, motherly, artistic, intelligent, humorous, loving, moral, wise. They truly have an inner beauty. They are indispensable to a civilized society. In a world continually in turmoil by power hungry men ruling religions and governments.

I apologize for not taking the time to hear you out. To care enough about your needs, to pay close enough attention, not just to your “clitoris” (page 237 from The 4-Hour Body), but to the strong passionate woman behind it, the person who I held and loved and once yearned to kiss.

I apologize for not being fully present.  Too determined to embrace my goals while failing to acknowledged yours. I expected that from you as a woman… I never thanked you for that: For giving yourself up for me, for our family, for our children.

I apologize for not bringing you flowers every single day of my life for the last 11 years. Because I really wanted to, but somehow I was too afraid to.

I apologize for making you think that your power is rooted in your sexuality… It is not, it is rooted in who you are. I know this because I have seen true love:  In the two sky blue eyes that greet me every morning. In my 86 year old patient who walks his blind wife down the hallway to her doctor’s appointments and lifts her in his arms from bed each night to use the commode.

You do not hold power over me, you are my power. The power to be a good man, a kind man, a better father, a better lover.

I apologize for applying restraints when I knew you needed freedom.

I apologize for not treating you as an equal.

I apologize for using force to intimidate you.

I apologize for not giving you every part of me

For being timid, weak, dispassionate…

Afraid!

__________________________

I asked my wife what bothered her about me as well, this is for her:

I apologize for not taking the garbage out.

Putting my dirty running clothes on the table.

Leaving my wet towels all over the place.

Not putting the lid back on the toothpaste.

Starting movies too late!

I dedicate this to her: my beautiful wife and inspiration in life… The one who makes the 4 hour life seem like one second.

To whom without as a man, I would fail to exist as a human.

All I can say is that you need not be discouraged. If your goal in the coming year is to lose weight and get into better shape, and that has led you to this blog post something is about to change.

I think the 4-Hour Body is still extremely relevant as we head into 2012. In fact I would go as far as to say that I don’t think there is a more comprehensive and interesting health related book on the market today. At least one that covers everything from ice baths and rehab to blood-letting and kettlebell swinging. I also think it would make a good gift. Along with a copy of Robb Wolf’s Paleo Solution and a new Kindle Fire on which to read your copy of the The 4 Hour Chef!

Oh sorry that is my Christmas list.

OK now onto my 5 Things….

1.  The Slow Carb Diet is not the Answer for Everyone

As I said once in a previous post there is no such things as a one size fits all diet that will be appropriate for everyone.  My biggest frustration with most diet books is that they try to make this claim. And it is not just in books, television shows like the biggest loser continue to promote the workout like a maniac, stop eating and you will lose weight myth. I say “myth” because you will lose weight for sure, it is just not the kind of weight loss you are seeking. You know the healthy long-lasting, life changing kind!

I am waiting for the one diet book that says “Hey this diet absolutely won’t work for you”! If you make said book please let me know. I will buy it!

I mentioned earlier I have easily placed over 50 patients on Tim’s version of the Slow Carb diet. The percentage of patients who have been able to make wonderful long lasting life change is disappointingly rather low. Most of my patients lose weight immediately, and if they don’t they usually admitted to not following the “rules” very strictly.  Several have had significant changes. The kind of changes I love to hear about the most like: “I am off all my medications”, or “I just ran a marathon”!

Who has the most to gain?

1.  Anyone with any type of insulin resistance: If you have a fasting blood sugar greater than 85 mg/dL (according to new research)
2. Anyone who wants to live longer and be healthier: Simply cutting carbs appears to have some serious health benefits despite who you are or or how much you weigh. This is reason enough for most people to take a look at their carb intake and modify their diet. The slow carb diet (with or without a cheat day) is a good place to start.

2.  The 15 Minute Female Orgasm – A Great Concept Lost in Translation

This was really what started it all, well at least in terms of this blog.  First of all I am just an average guy who approaches sex like I do the rest of my life…..with an understanding that there is always something to be learned.

Had I not been approached by OneTaste to come to their office and experience the whole thing first hand I think my discussion on this topic would have ended shortly after my first attempt and my fist blog post.

But that is not as fate would have it. The truth of the matter is this: The whole OM’ing process is not about the “procedure” that is listed in the book….and you know what I can not really tell you what it is about because I think it is different for everybody. I realized this on the last day of our weekend retreat when each couple was talking (or crying) while trying to summarize their experience.

Everybody is so different when it comes to sex. Yet we essentially are all seeking the same thing: At the core it is about feeling loved, and connecting with another human being… that is just my take.

But in a world so focused on content we fail sometimes to get it…. You know to really take the time to remind ourselves what matters most: The relationships we forge with the people around us….The ones we love the most.

Most of the 4-Hour Body is about self improvement. The 15 minute female orgasm is about taking the time to go beyond yourself, taking a moment to pay careful attention to your partner in a way that is unlike what you have been taught by your buddies in the locker room…. or on videos you may have found on the internet.

If you are a women it is about discovering your body.

The end result: It is simply hard to learn this out of a book and organizations like OneTaste (despite their good intentions) have a price structure that places it far out of reach for just about everyone. But in my opinion sex ed. for adults is long overdue, I hope we in the medical profession get better at discussing this with our patients and as a society we can overcome our fear of this topic. I am still amazed that organizations like Costco would not carry the 4-Hour Body based on this “sexually graphic” content.

It is just further testament to where we are and how far we need to go as a society.

3. Occam’s Protocol – A Great Workout Done Wrong by Everyone (Including Me)

One of my favorite things I adopted this year was this new MINIMALIST workout routine. Occam’s Protocol is one of my favorite parts of the 4-Hour Body. It is also one which goes gravely overlooked and in my opinion underappreciated. Working out less really does mean more. Not necessarily more muscle, in fact this for me has stayed about the same. But less time in the gym, and in the end that is what the 4-Hour lifestyle is all about.

They key to building muscle while using Occam’s Protocol requires something most of us do not have a lot of: PATIENCE! When I say patience I mean making sure to take your time with the lifting and lowering of the weights. Of course it requires something else that we men (especially) are quite bad at: decreasing the total weight lifted (which we are afraid will make us look like big wimps) and performing very slow movements.

If you fail to do this you will not build muscle with Occam’s. This is where most people go wrong, and this is why most people give up and go back to their old routines.

4. “Barefooting” My First Half Marathon

Tim has a whole section on barefoot running in case you didn’t know. It is one reason I bought the book…. I had already began running barefoot several months before the release of The 4 Hour Body. But the book just encouraged me to take the final step, break down, dig into my wallet and purchase my first pair of Vibrams.

Two weeks ago I finished my second half marathon but this was my first without shoes, at least in the classic sense. I was definitely in a minority here but the big thing I notice is that after 2 years of building a running base and learning to love a new sport something has happened. I have remained pain (and injury) free.

If you are afraid to take the leap into barefoot running try this:

If you are an REI member you can use your 20% discount (available 2-3 x a year I believe) and you get a refund on part of this as well. Also REI has the best return policy in the whole world. If you don’t like them just take them back no questions asked. It is a great way to make a purchase of this footwear and not be afraid you are throwing away 80+ dollars. They are wonderful at getting you sized and fit as well. These are my personal favorites… subsequently they are also the ones recommended by Tim in The 4-Hour Body.

5. Kettlebells Are A Wonderful Workout that I love to Forget to Do

I own a 50lb kettlebell and my only complaint is that the hand grip is too narrow so my hands get squished. This excuse is enough for me to often give it a look and then keep moving. I have goals this year to swing it till the cows come home. So that is my New Years Resolution….. SWING MY KETTLEBELL TILL THE COWS COME HOME.

There you have it my big 5, stay tuned I actually have another 5 but I have to go swing my kettlebell.

You can sign up to receive updates via RSS or email or join us on Face­book. And if I ever get my act together the upcom­ing 4 Hour Uni­ver­sity.

Is there anything you have learned this year from the 4-Hour Body?

My wife and I were invited 5 months ago to attend a couples retreat with Nicole Daedone to learn the principles of the 15 minute female orgasm. This journey began with a single blog post.

Now on to my review:

“If porn was made for women, it would be two hours of snuggling and at the end the guy would propose. I would watch that.”

Whitney Cummings, Comedian

Let me start by saying this. I opened this book with the same trepidation and skepticism as I approached our couple’s weekend with the author in San Francisco.

Three minutes into reading and I found myself again feeling foolish.

This book I will say is a stroke of genius (pun intended).  A much needed bit of literature. This is not just a guidebook for better sex but a guidebook for better living.

You might somehow suspect that I have a vested interest in positively reviewing this book, but I don’t.

I recommend this book because four years ago when I was first asked to go to our local junior high school and teach sexual health to an auditorium filled with 12 year olds. I stood there like a deer in the headlights.

Because I never really had the chance to understand sex from the viewpoint of art. And this is what Nicole is:  An artist who has the potential to change the hard wiring of our brain and its relationship to sex.

Because I am a man, who like most, is lost when it comes to understanding orgasm from the viewpoint of a woman. A man who loves wholeheartedly his wife and wants to grow old beside her.

And alas, because I am a father with two young children. Children who need a father to teach them about love, and yes, about sex.

Nicole can help us, but only if we are willing to let her.

This is something I know Tim Ferriss understood when he placed the fifteen minute female orgasm chapter in his book. Unfortunately, this is something readers of the Four Hour Body will not understand without further study.

I consider myself fortunate that this blog and a single post somehow landed me on the doorstep of OneTaste and their couple’s weekend. Prior to this, prior to reading the Four Hour Body, prior to writing about our experience trying the 15 minute female orgasm at home I would never have classified myself or my wife as a couple in need of a sexual tune-up.

I merely tried the process in the book because my wife cautiously agreed and I thought it would be fun.

I will be a bit nervous as I go to press the publish button on this blog post. As I always am when it comes to speaking about these topics so openly.

But hence my friends here is where the problem lies. This fear that I feel needs to change. And if you read this I would ask that you take a step and leave a comment. Tell me about your fears, or feelings about sex and it’s relationship to our health or our journey toward the 4 Hour Body.

During our weekend at OneTaste Nicole asked us as a couple to do something seemingly simple. We had to turn towards our partners and begin talking about our sexual desires, right there, in the room with a whole bunch of other couples.

Nicole discusses this process in her book.

I felt like a bomb had been dropped. Here I was married to my wife for 10 years and this is what was making me sweat. Come on!

Would we have to share this with the other couples after we were through? What would people think of me? Honestly the first thing that came to mind was not a personal desire, but one that would be acceptable in a group setting. I am sure I was not alone in my thoughts.

I was thinking back to the couples “counseling” we had to do before being “allowed” to be married in the Catholic church. We talked about how to manage finances as a couple, how to deal with problems when they arise. We used a workbook and had long journaling sessions. But we never once talked about sex. A topic which now, years later is  haunting the Catholic church.

I am thinking right now that a weekend with Nicole Daedone would probably have been much more useful. In fact maybe this should be required education on the path to priesthood.

As I have just really began to digest her book Slow Sex I continue to ask myself this question.

Why do we fear talking about sex so much?

This is the reason I continue to write about this topic.

My patients behind closed doors talk about it. Teenagers need to talk about it. Parents are confused how to approach this topic with their teenagers.  Half of all marriages end in divorce. And because I believe that sex matters. It’s the glue that binds couples together. It’s what makes us more than just friends. Without sex, lovers become roommates, and a bedroom becomes just a place to sleep (or if you are a new parent at least to try to sleep in between diaper changes and feedings).

We must as a community begin to engage in an open conversation about sex.

Regardless, I think our fear of sex often begins in a place deep down where we may feel inadequate or even ashamed. And we are afraid that our inadequacies will be exposed or that our desires will be laughed at. To express a lack of knowledge in an area that we somehow should be so well versed (I have no idea how since we never get instruction) opens up a big can of fear, and failure.

This is a blow to our self-image. As sexuality and feeling sexual is such an important part of who we are as human beings.

Also, I think somehow sex has become a “dirty” topic, at least in America. It seems less risky to talk about ones bowel movements than to talk about sex.

Don’t get me wrong, I think both are important.

Since I am going to be discussing this book more in upcoming posts I want to leave you with this. As I can tell this post is already getting to be too long.

It is a quote by Nicole Daedone from her book:

“Anything you do can be approached as either science or art—including, perhaps most important, sex.”

“And yet most of the time, we treat sex like a science. We develop very strong expectations, anticipating a replicable outcome every time we add water and mix. We believe that “good” sex means one thing—probably something like mutual orgasms and a feeling of intimate connection to our partner—and that if either of the above is missing, the sex is “unsatisfying” or “truly problematic” or, worse yet, simply “good enough.” We ignore the reality, which is that sex itself is messy and inconsistent. It is a force of nature. It is a reflection of life, which means it includes hot and cold, fast and slow, good and bad.

Sometimes we want it, other times we don’t. Sometimes we feel close to our partner, other times we feel like they might be a serial killer, for all we know. Sometimes we think they’re the best lover in the world, other times we wish that someone, at some point during their teen years, had taught them how to kiss, for crying out loud. Some of us can climax from one touch, whereas others go all night and never “get there.” Some of us remember a time when sex used to be great, but we can’t for the life of us remember how to get there again.

This is the reality of sex. Sex is not a science; there is no recipe. No matter how many books you read or how many repetitive motions you make, the outcome is not guaranteed. And mere inconsistency is the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario? You kill the sex with the recipe.”

Daedone, Nicole (2011). Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Kindle Locations 344-354). Grand Central Life & Style. Kindle Edition.

There is just so much good stuff in this book, really you need to read this book, I am currently reading the Kindle version on my PC .

This is the first in a series I am calling The 4-HOUR UNIVERSITY:  A list of books and other valuable resources that augment Tim Ferriss’ books.  I will be putting this together and sending it out as a quarterly newsletter. If you would like to start a business from home, get in the best shape of your life, become a better parent, find and hire your first virtual assistant with the help of an actual virtual assistant Subscribe to our newsletter. I am not sure what this will be just yet but I promise it will be fun and not annoying!

I have so much great stuff in the works so don’t forget to sign up via RSS or email or join our growing community on Facebook! A shout out to everyone who has already liked our page!

Related Resources

• A great blog site about well you guessed it being good in bed http://www.goodinbed.com/ and a whole lot more. Here is a great article about how to talk to your kids about sex at any age. I created a PDF of this and am going to give this to my patients!

Related Posts

• The 15 Minute Female Orgasm (Category includes six posts on this topic)

Next Up:  The Quantified Self  and  Occam’s Protocol Toolkit Part Deux (With an all new routine not seen in the book) Stay Tuned! And don’t forget to Subscribe to our newsletter.

Nicole Daedone  gave an inspired speech the other day at TEDX in San Francisco. She reminded my why Timothy Ferriss has called the OM practice “required education for every man on the planet.”

“We have a pleasure deficit disorder in this country and I don’t think it’s medical I think it is a cultural issue.”

“It is going to be a different definition of orgasm than we know”

“We will have a definition of orgasm that works with what a woman’s body does, when you have this, this whole notion of frigidity or a women being an-orgasmic flies out the window and what it’s replaced with is an entire lifetime journey of discovering who you are and how your particular orgasm works.”

As Nicole points out at the end of the speech: The Dali Lama has said that it will be “Western woman who changes the world.”

The question is will Western men be brave enough to follow her lead?

You can sign up to receive updates via RSS or email or join us on Facebook

Resources:

• Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm
• The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm (Positively Sexual)

I began writing this as a response to a previous comment on my post  The Doing Method and Why you Should Just Do It here is my answer:

Rachel asks:

“From the book and sites like yours it seems as though this is not a 15 minute LASTING orgasm but how to produce an orgasm in 15 minutes on women that seem to have a hard time having one. Or am I missing something?”

This is a great question, and Rachel is not “missing something”  but let me add this:

The people at OneTaste and Tim Ferriss himself in the book consider this to be a goal-less practice. After attending the weekend workshop with Nicole Daedone and her staff, it became very clear that they are absolutely right.

It is tough to explain but maybe I will use the slow carb diet as an example. You may begin a diet with the intention to lose weight but in the process find that your journey not only helps you shed pounds, but you begin to learn things about your body you had never considered.

Along the way, you learn how your body responds to different foods, you become an expert in nutrition, you begin to feel better and get a passion for nutrition and possibly exercise that you never knew existed. You went into the process with a goal of weight loss; you came out in better health.

The same goes for the process of OM’ing (orgasmic meditation) or better known as the 15 minute female orgasm. Like a slow carb diet, you have to begin the process, possibly with a goal in mind. But, while in search for that goal (like a diet) you begin to find that the goal itself, although at first your primary motivation, is not nearly as influential as the process of getting there. In other words: the process is the payoff, the endpoint is better health, getting there involves hard work and dedication. The end point to a diet? There isn’t one, it is just the beginning of a longer and healthier life.

I guess you will have to take that at my word. But, I will leave you with something one of my amazing classmates shared during the CNN weekend that will not be on TV because the cameras had already stopped rolling:

When asked what the experience of Om’ing meant to her:

“Feeling truly loved, before today I never believed I was worth 15 minutes”

How profound indeed!

• Go check out Nicole Daedone’s blog at NicoleDaedone.com.  I placed the link to her 4-Hour Body post. You may see my comment there.  Also head over to OneTaste where you can learn more about OM’ing and find a lot of great information. The staff there are wonderful and are eager to help, don’t be afraid to drop them a line!
• Here is an audio guided 15 minute orgasm from OneTaste $3.00

Men are obsessed about sex, it is supposedly all we think about (at least every 7 seconds) according to experts.  Being a man, I can tell you we also talk about it with our guy friends. It seems that this chapter of the book would dominate the discussion on the internet or for that matter the locker room. Yet, despite it’s provocative title it has gained little attention.

Costco banned it, the TV networks have ignored it, and the four hour body couple, despite being a four hour body couple must not need it.

What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid of admitting that we don’t know everything there is to know about sex? It seems like all the men I know are masters of love-making. At least that is what we tell each other.

I am no exception I must admit. When my wife and I attended the weekend OM’ing workshop with OneTaste upon waking the second day, we made the decision to avoid being filmed for the rest of the CNN special that brought us there. This is something that I am ashamed to say. Part of the reason I was there in the first place was to act as a spokesman and medical advocate for female sexual health.  Yet, when it came time to put my money where my mouth was I balked. In the last minute I became a big wimp.

Today I finished the book Tribes. If you haven’t listened to this book you should. Seth Godin at the end of the book touches upon this idea of me being a wimp. He describes the value of being a heretic. And you know what he is right. The world is full of a majority of people following the status quo. I believe the people of OneTaste are heretics:  the best kind. They are pushing the envelope, talking about something no one else is willing to talk about at a time it needs to be talked about. So is Tim, I respect him for including this chapter and this content in his book.

So how about the rest of us? This is a call to all 4 hour body bloggers and readers. Don’t be afraid to be a heretic. Open the book and as Nike says “Just Do It”. The four hour life is about maximizing time spent living life, maximizing health and well being through principles that involve trimming away the non-essential and focusing on the most important 20%.

So talk to your  partner and ask her if she would be interested in a 15 minute orgasm. If she says no, assume she is either crazy or lying. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are afraid of giving a 15 minute orgasm.  You could spend all  your time perfecting Occam’s protocol or eating beans, eggs and protein shakes. This will help you build a perfect posterior but for what greater good?

There is nothing to loose trust me! It will be weird I guarantee, but you will learn something.  You will do it wrong the first time, and probably the second time as well, you will giggle with your partner, you will fail, and then you will not fail for a few seconds. You will be a little (ok maybe a lot) uncomfortable the first, second and maybe even third time. And then something wonderful happens, it lasts longer than just fifteen minutes. Maybe day’s, maybe months, maybe a lifetime. You become closer as a couple, you feel more as a couple, you share more as a couple!

Being afraid, yet willing to fail is a sign that you to are a heretic.  And this should make you proud. Then when you are done being a heretic proclaim it, it is then that we can move beyond these comfort barriers we have set for ourselves and into the better space we all deserve.

Related Articles:

• The truth behind the 15 minute female orgasm: Why Nicole Daedone an the people of OneTaste may hold the key to unlocking the man box!
• Adventures in Tripling Testosterone: The Four Hour Body Sex Machine: Protocol’s Simplified
• The “Doing Method” and why it pays to sleep with Tim Ferriss

Resources:

• Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm
• The Four Hour Body
• The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm (Positively Sexual)

This will be the first of a 5 part series here on the 4hourlife exploring Tim Ferriss and his chapter on the 15 minute female orgasm.  I am excited to tell you about my amazing three day experience with Nicole Daedone and the people of OneTaste!

Now stop reading and watch the video by Tony Porter on what it means to be a man.

I would ask you this: Why would Tim Ferriss instead of focusing on more vitamins to promote a longer harder erection or 5 rules for complete  bedroom mastery,  instead focus his attention on the upper left 1/3 of your girlfriends clitoris?

There is a phrase at the end of the speech by Tony Porter  that is profound: “My liberation as a man is tied to your liberation as a woman”

“What would life be like for you if you did not have to adhere to this man-box? “

You would be free!

For pretty much the entirety of my male life (as much as I hate to admit) I have been a one trick pony. For me the idea of sex was pretty much strait foreword. First of all, it always ended in me as a man having an orgasm. And involved my male appendage  in some way or another.

I would have denied it before this last Saturday, but I believe my image of women, despite my liberal upbringing was one focused on attention to myself. Especially when it comes to the bedroom.  I love my wife, I aim always to please her, but sex had always been a goal oriented process.

It started at puberty when a classmate of mine  found a playboy magazine left behind by one of the 8’th graders in the boys locker room.

I remember the excitement we all had when we ran into the gym after school to take our first glimpse at the female figure. I don’t necessary remember being aroused as much as fascinated. I also didn’t understand anything about sex. Although I would never have admitted this to my guy friends.

Twelve years of catholic school taught me little about sex. I knew God was against it, the Nuns had never had it, it was for procreation not recreation, and as far as I could tell quite possibly if not approached in a sterile fashion:  a one way ticket to hell!

It didn’t get better over the years. Our images of over-sexualized women both on TV and the internet has led men to believe that this is what women want. Our fear of appearing less manly leads us to treat, and refer to women in terms that we would never use in front of our daughters.

Our backroom talk. Our disconnect between the love and warmth of our partner and our fear of going against the grain has put our emotions in a box. “A man box”!

In the meantime as my wife said: “ women are taught that all men want is to get down our pants”. Then what do women want? Are they allowed to be sexual creatures, or simply property of men?

Men become frustrated that women are not interested in sex. Women loose interest not because of a lack of innate desire, but maybe because they no longer feel desirable. Men feel a lack of love, women are diagnosed with female sexual arousal disorder and 50 percent of relationships end in divorce.

Consider this statistic from The Four Hour Body: 70% of U.S women cant experience orgasm from intercourse and up to 50% of U.S women aren’t’ able to achieve orgasm at all.

Men, there is a lesson to be learned here!

On the last day of the conference there was a moment during the group session when my wife raised her hand.  She asked Nicole directly:  “Are you saying that the techniques you are teaching us about sex are the answer to all of life’s questions and the secret to marital bliss”?

Nicole’s answer: “YES”!

I could tell this frustrated my wife immensely.

I have been sitting with this answer ever since. Is Nicole telling us that a woman’s orgasm is at the center of all conflict between a man and a women?

We will explore this over the next several posts. And I will tell you why:  the process of orgasmic meditation i.e “the doing method”  (although I will admit a funky term, and a complete stretch outside of our comfort zone) has brought my wife and I closer together as a couple.

If you haven’t already, don’t be afraid to comment, I would love to hear your insights.

Even when Tim was on the “View” surrounded by a large percentage of (I suspect based on the Kinsey study mentioned in his book) an-orgasmic women; the topic of female orgasm was not even mentioned.

Later, in a brief visit with Dr. Oz,  again no mention. I don’t necessarily find this surprising, but definitely alarming.

The truth of the matter is that despite the incredibly lucrative sex industry in America, to talk about sex is still considered taboo. And this is a big part of the problem.  What this reveals is that both men and women are afraid to discuss the topic.

I assume that like myself most of us feel self conscious when we talk about sex, even with our  partners. So I applaud Tim for his work in this chapter and was excited to see how Tim could make me: a 33 year old happily married man with 2 kids a “superhuman sex machine.” And then prove to me that I was not already!

So, after I downloaded my kindle copy of The Four Hour Body, I immediately got to work. After reading the aforementioned chapter I figured that I would have to give it a try. And as luck would have it, my wife and I were set of for an overnighter in a romantic getaway for the first time since the birth of our 8 month old son. The stars seemed appropriately aligned, now I just had to figure out how to execute my delicate plan.

I decided to wet her appetite the night before, unfortunately since I am a scientific type I may have made this sound less romantic and more like a grand experiment. But, I reassured her that the worst case scenario was an uncomfortably odd 15 minutes, and the best case scenario: well we all know what that is. Surprisingly she was extremely open to the idea.

I organized 4 things

1. iPhone (set to 15 minute countdown)
2. Believe it or not my HP Touch smart Tm2t Tablet Computer on which I had stored the digital copy of the book (I kept forgetting the instructions and needed a reference) of course the actual book would be a very good substitute.
3. Personal Lubricant (this was something that was not mentioned in the book but should have been)
4. My personal mantra via Tim:

   “I am going to touch you for 15 minutes you don’t need to do anything, and you don’t have to do anything afterward. There is nowhere to get to, nothing to make happen. Just focus on the single point of contact. It’s an exercise.”

   (I would recommend trying to memorize this part, reading it from my tablet proved a distraction)

With this we set to work. As you can imagine setting everything up and getting into position proved to be the most difficult part. And needless to say my body, especially my hand was a bit uncomfortable. How did the session go:

1. My wife tried to speed things up at the beginning , and I started to ask her how it seemed to be going. But, we both slowed down. I stopped fishing for suggestions and went back to the mantra. She relaxed and so did I this was a big help.
2. It was harder than I could have imagined to find the right spot, hence Tim’s suggestion to try this over several sessions would be ideal.
3. I think taking “Tim to bed” with his notes really helped at first, and I have decided that there needs to be an app for that. See below
4. This was a great experience in communication and taking time again to explore your partners body.
5. It was sexy trying to please my wife, it is a lesson despite it’s scientific approach in love making, It made me a more informed partner and I hope this has also helped my wife get more in touch with her body.
6. We have yet to try the method again and it has been over a month, but that has more to do with the fact that we live in a tiny home and we need to schedule some time for these things now a days, with the kids and all.

Some Useful Links:

• If you missed it this free chapter was given away by Tim himself. This is the original free Fifteen Minute Orgasm Chapter (maybe you could put this on your phone or even better make this in to an app) it may save some embarrassment. If you click on the link you can download the chapter via PDF to your i-phone or android device, this would be an excellent idea! Or you can just use your laptop like I did.
• Download The 4 HOUR BODY-15 MINUTE ORGASM

You can sign up to receive updates via RSS or email or join us on Facebook Or check out the upcoming 4 Hour University.
Resources:

• Here is an audio guided 15 minute orgasm from OneTaste $3.00
• Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm
• The Four Hour Body
• The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm (Positively Sexual)
• Tools of the Trade